Seasons of Change
by LisaBebe11
Summary: A glance into the minds of the Cullen’s, Swan’s, and the Pack before life changing events. Each vignette is a once shot and they are no particular order.
1. Prelude

Remember Twilight is Stephanie Meyers.

**Prelude:** A glance into the minds of the Cullen's, Swan's, and the Pack before life changing events. Each vignette is a once shot and they are in no particular order.

The first few vignettes will be Edward and later Bella at different junctures. I will add the Cullen's during the party, before battles, and during Bella's visits to La Push.

I will likely do a Sam and Billy as well. A wedding and engagement would not be complete without a parent perspective so expect that as well.


	2. Edward and the Rocking Chair

Remember Edward and Bella belong to Stephanie Meyer

**Edward and The Rocking Chair**

This is section is just before they get involved. He is overcome with emotion and is motivated to act on his feelings.

I sit on her chair while I watch her sleep. I ask myself what is love. The overall meaning of love is to have deep affection, a sexual desire, and the act of sexual intercourse itself. Well lovemaking for us is out. But I can spend the rest of my time with her chastely enveloped by my lust. To be in her presence is intoxicating.

I feel familiar love as well - I would share my family life with her - if only we were human so I could offer her more. I feel an overwhelming need to protect - when I am away I become angst. If I was human - I would be queasy.

As I hear parts of her interactions with her parents - I am angered by their self-centeredness towards her. She is like the parent and they are like her children stricken with wanderlust. Ugh - silly humans. I am further saddened that Carlisle and Esme my adoptive parents and parents in the most important ways would have put her first. If I brought her to them as my mate - they would nurture her and help her finalize her growth into a marvelous woman. My family well aware of my feelings for her looks forward to meeting her. My mother wants to make her meals when she heard her parents have her cook and clean for them. My sister want to buy her clothes when she heard Bella works for her own stuff. Ugh again.

I yearn to provide for her as a man provides for his family. But I cannot give her children. The only thing I can give her is an extended family. I can show her the world in style and allow her to study in the finest universities in the world but she would not have the seem experience if she were my mate as she would if she went out with Mike Newton. As vampires we look like humans but we are ALWAYS on the outside looking in. Humans instinctively know we are different - something vile and unnatural. Yet I dream of changing her so I Can keep her forever. Ugh - I am so selfish. I offer nothing yet I am overcome with yearning for this human girl. I am not able to turn my back as I should. I arrogantly see what I can offer and try and convince myself she needs my protection - which I can give well. That she needs me to fund her college education. That I will never leave her unlike the Mike Newtons who might be unfaithful and then leave her heart broken. That I will always love her as she is and I will always be true to her. Our love would never change. But my love for her is indefensible. I am cold, hard, and unnatural. Yet my dead heart feels like it is restarting when she speaks my name in her sleep and my arms yearn to hold her. In my arms she would always be on the outside looking in. If only I were human and could love her and build a life with her as a man would. To grow our babies in her womb, to see the beautiful changes in her while she is with child - my child. To travel with her in the sunshine and not in darkness. To eat with her and wake up beside her. Even though I cannot give her this - my selfish heart yearns for her. Especially when she tells me she loves me in her sleep. The agony and bliss of it all.


	3. Edward's Date Jitters

**Date Jitters**

I stayed at Bella's until 4:00 am. Any later and the humans may catch me. Such bliss to hold her in my arms and hope she will want me in a few hours. What I would give to be able to sleep beside her, love her the way a man can, to have children with her, and grow old with her. Alas that is not to be.

It is now 6:00 am. Since that the moment I left I have been angst.

I have spent the last two hours attempting to play the piano, I tried Esme's piece no luck, I am thinking about a piece for Bella – no luck, heck I even tried a piece for Rosalie a frustrated, cranky piece and that might have helped. Nothing else does. What if she runs from me and never wants to see me again. What if drain her. What if I change her accidently, because I would not let her die if I did bite her. I want to change her and keep her with me. It is inexcusable to feel this but I do. I must be strong. If she still wants me after I tell her that I am a cold immortal – I must keep her safe and human. To have her love me – Wow what an amazing dream. But I am a soulless, monster how could she want me? I just know she is going to run screaming to stay away from her and she will probably go back to Phoenix. The agony makes my heart feel like it is shattering in pain.

Finally, it is 6:30 – time to get ready. Where is the evil Pixie when I need her? (Alice knows she is needed and excitedly runs in). She dresses me in Khakis and a white shirt. She is jubilant – but yet she is deliberately shutting me out. Err. Now Esme and my father come by to wish me well and Esme takes a pre-first date photo. How human. Nevermind Emmett's thoughts - keeping myself out of morass that is his head. He is a good brother – the brother I never had in my human life. But his crude thoughts can be revolting – not to mention I do not like to imagine Rose like that.

I need to wash my brain with bleach now.


End file.
